


The Extent of Denial

by neeeeeeeeep



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1585361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neeeeeeeeep/pseuds/neeeeeeeeep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grif is in denial. He's lusting over Simmons' ass and wants to get rid of the thoughts he has about it, so he tries to find a gadget to erase any dirty thoughts he has over his best friend. Donut becomes his trusty guinea pig in the meantime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Extent of Denial

**Author's Note:**

> yoooooooooooo so idk i'm in a write-all-the-time mood and i wrote this while i was out today so lulz ye
> 
> while I love me some Red vs. Blue I am noooot the most accurate person when it comes to small details. so basically this is just set when they were in Blood Gulch, when Red fought Blue and Blue fought Red, before shit started to get complicated n.n
> 
> idk this is just like a drabble of nonsense but i dunno i liked writing something different so here ya go :) enjoy!
> 
> p.s. I hope no one takes offence to how I've used the terms 'gay', etc. I was tryna write it as Grif would and idk the guy isn't very filtered so I assume he would say shit like 'gay-ass'
> 
> p.s. x2 my microsoft word ran out so i'm using a crappy wordpad thing which has no spell/grammar check, so if there are typos in there i'm sorry! i suck at proof-reading so it's just a case of me having lazy eyes. c:

Dexter Grif was undeniably heterosexual. It was obvious, of course. Why the fuck would anyone want a guy when you could have a chick instead? That was just plain stupid, if you asked Grif. What did boys even have anyway? Muscular biceps? V-lines? Perky, tight ass—wait, that's not the point. Girls had tits. They had tits and vaginas and asses and that was of course a selling point straight off the bat. Who would want to pass up that?

Grif told himself this everyday, particularly when he found his eyes wandering over certain soldier's behinds in red team's locker rooms. More specifically, Simmons' behind. You know, for a skinny dude he had a great butt. _Wait, no. Stop it, Grif. Girls. You like girls._

Fuck, he hated this. Grif wished there was a gadget to erase all the gay-ass thoughts which constantly intruded his mind at the worst possible times. Christ, they had enough shit in their base already, there had to be something he could use to wipe his thoughts clean. So, instead of sitting around cursing at himself, he finally got up and headed down to storage. He didn't know what half the shit in that room was but fuck, there had to be  _something_ to suit his request.

"Fuck, fuck... nope, no, what the fuck?...shit! This is fucking useless. I'm never going to find this thing unless I see what the fuck this shit does," Grif said as he pulled up one of the guns piled up in front of him which he had no idea how to use, "I just need a guinea pig to do that—"

"—hey, Grif! What are you up to on this lovely day?"

Donut. _Perfect._

"Oh, hey, Donut! I'm just, uh, just testing some new stuff we got sent from command. Wanna try it?"

"New stuff? Sure! I love new stuff."

"Excellent."

Grif tested out all kinds of shit on Donut, and it was fucking awesome, too, despite Donut getting seriously affected by some of the gadgets, nearly throwing up after one of them. Finally, after shooting several funky-looking guns at him, Donut finally drew a blank. He froze, almost robotically, standing with no movement whatsoever.

"Uh... Donut?" Grif asked, stepping towards him cautiously, waving a hand in front of his viser. Donut had no response. "...Shit, please don't be dead. Sarge will fucking kill me. Donut? Donut, come on, dude, please—"

"Grif?" a voice came from the doorway and Grif swore he fucking soiled himself on the spot. He span around to find Simmons approaching him. "What are you doing down here?"

"Oh, I-uh, I'm just... doing an inventory check! Yeah, that's right..."

"Inventory check? Since when do you do any form of work around here ever? What are you really doing here? And what's up with Donut?"

"Jesus Christ, Simmons, all these questions are giving me a headache. I think I need to go and lay down..." Grif tried to pass by Simmons but a hand was pressed to his chest, stopping him from walking any further.

"Dude, just tell me what's going on."

Grif gulped, suddenly glad about his helmet masking any facial expression he was pulling at that moment. Simmons couldn't know why he wanted to erase his thoughts. He'd fucking laughing straight in Grif's face and Grif would fucking die. Just... die. That would be so fucking humiliating that he could never face Simmons again. Besides, it's not like his thoughts _had_ to be broadasted. It wasn't crucial information and Simmons didn't need to know anything. It's not like Grif was in _love_ with Simmons, anyway. He just liked looking at his butt. _Wait, shit! No I don't,_ Grif corrected himself silently.

"I was trying to fuck with Donut," Grif lied with a sigh, "but I think I broke him."

"For fuck's sake, Grif. We're outnumbered by blues enough already, we don't need to loose another fucking red!" Simmons scolded before turning to Donut. Grif sighed quietly to himself, looking down at his feet. He felt, frankly, pathetic. This was supposed to be a quick and easy task but now it had just turned tits-up and yet again, he was getting scolded by Simmons.

Simmons looked over Donut for a few seconds before he finally reanimated. Well, at least Grif hadn't killed him.

"Woah... what the heck just happened?" Donut asked, sounding completely disoriented, looking between Grif and Simmons as he gathered his bearings.

"We don't know. Grif shot something at you and it must have, I don't know, sedated you or something. I'll have to take a closer look at the gun to figure out what it does. I think it's a ray-gun of some sort, perhaps one which shoots out sedation beams? I'm not sure..." Simmons continued muttering to himself quietly as he studied the gun, although no one was listening to him at that point.

"Oh... well, at least it didn't kill me!" And with that, Donut left the room.

"That guy's optimism if fucking irritating," Grif muttered under his breath.

"Well, at least he's better than your miserable ass. I think a lot more people should have an attitude like Donut's. Maybe then we might actually win this war," Simmons said as he finally looked up from the gun in his hands. "I'm gonna go take this apart and see what it does. Just... don't touch anything. Maybe it's better that you do nothing."

 _Of course it's better,_ Grif thought to himself, because apparently all Dexter Grif can do right is look at guy's asses subtly enough for them to miss his glances. Well, at least he can put that skill to use as he watched Simmons leave the room.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading if you've made it this far! like I said, I don't know the small details of RVSB so I just made the guns and shit up. i'm too lazy to research the specifics of Blood Gulch bases to so yooo magical storage room appears!!! 
> 
> leave me some love if you enjoyed. I appreciate it sosososososo much you don't even know <3
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://rthunters.tumblr.com)


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